DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
