Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
