sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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