My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
