I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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