Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
