I hate your face
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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