I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
