Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
