just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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