I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
