My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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