you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
