yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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