So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
