Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?