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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.

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• (310): View more from California

  ...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (936): View more from Texas

  Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check

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• (904): View more from Florida

  But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.

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• (925): View more from California

  You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.

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• (954): View more from Florida

  The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive

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