when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
another moral hangover. fuck.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
