so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...