Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (913) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go. http://tfl.nu/wjr6
  Replies (18) Good night (637) Bad night (1824)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat http://tfl.nu/frov
  Replies (24) Good night (4642) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9851) Bad night (1078)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty" http://tfl.nu/y2bi
  Replies (21) Good night (1137) Bad night (6017)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday http://tfl.nu/gbim
  Replies (8) Good night (5261) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time http://tfl.nu/nmkk
  Replies (4) Good night (7181) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend http://tfl.nu/ek7z
  Replies (2) Good night (2604) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/2xsu
  Replies (10) Good night (757) Bad night (1416)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause. http://tfl.nu/2yit
  Replies (8) Good night (1796) Bad night (999)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet" http://tfl.nu/2suf
  Replies (12) Good night (1218) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you http://tfl.nu/s4l7
  Replies (4) Good night (813) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me. http://tfl.nu/d1xs
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT. http://tfl.nu/ohed
  Replies (5) Good night (765) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present. http://tfl.nu/9c6n
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (359)

Randomize