Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Will you blow on my dice?

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(248): Will you blow on my dice? http://tfl.nu/qi0r

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(518): View more from New York

i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.

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(518): i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on. http://tfl.nu/22pm

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(903): View more from Texas

I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer

(214): View more from Texas

... I'm KD

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(903): I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer (214): ... I'm KD http://tfl.nu/mzja

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(269): View more from Michigan

You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous

(269): View more from Michigan

If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.

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(269): You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous (269): If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you. http://tfl.nu/8o9h

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(417): View more from Missouri

My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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(417): My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong. http://tfl.nu/opsu

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(702): View more from Nevada

she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.

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(702): she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom. http://tfl.nu/em4c

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.

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(262): it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day. http://tfl.nu/nryu

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(818): View more from California

She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....

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(818): She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again..... http://tfl.nu/lpua

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.

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(215): I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy. http://tfl.nu/orpn

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(434): View more from Virginia

It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.

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(434): It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me. http://tfl.nu/2yad

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university

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(+44): He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university http://tfl.nu/5znd

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(219): View more from Indiana

Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.

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(219): Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding. http://tfl.nu/1cjf

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(913): View more from Kansas

Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.

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(913): Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life. http://tfl.nu/36jh

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(517): View more from Michigan

Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.

(1-517): View more from Michigan

Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine

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(517): Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet. (1-517): Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine http://tfl.nu/xagy

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(812): View more from Indiana

I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos

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(812): I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos http://tfl.nu/whu2

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