I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
