I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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