Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
