Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
