i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
this boner is exhausting
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
