if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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