In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
