so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
