ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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