You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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