Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
