my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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