Have you finally orgasmed yet?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
