At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
