he shaved USA in his pubs
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
