So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
