He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
