i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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