Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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