Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
