Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am available for nakedness
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