'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
