TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
