She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
