So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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