he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
