i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
