I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
