my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
