I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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