he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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