Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please, let me fuck your mom
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
