end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
