I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
