Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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