im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
