we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
