Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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