Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
