.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
did you just send me my own nude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
