I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
