what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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