Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk is not a location!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
