He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
