How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
