she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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