At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
