I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
