I just saw a hot homeless man
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry my hands just texted you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
