on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
