having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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