its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
