Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
