I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
