i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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