Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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