maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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