This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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