As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
