I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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