the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
