someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
